Tips for Writing Your Own Vows
Writing memorable wedding vows is all about speaking from the heart; translating your feelings and desires to written words.
But it isn’t always easy. You and your fiancé will become partners for life with the heartfelt words you speak during the ceremony, making promises that mean the world to you. To give your vows that special personal touch, here are a few tips:
Start Early
It’s easiest to work on this task bit by bit. Begin crafting your vows early so you’ll have plenty of time to find inspiration and won’t be stressed by last minute pressures. Plan to have your vows written at least three weeks before your wedding (which means you should start about two months before the wedding day!)
Find a starting point
Sometimes the most difficult part about writing your vows, is getting started. I suggest that you start by looking at both traditional and contemporary vows. Surf the Internet. Review the selections on this website. Use those as a jumping-off point for your own words of love and commitment. Keep in mind that your vows must be promissory.
Celebrate your history
Discuss with your fiancé, the things that make your relationship special. How did you meet? What were some of the things you discovered you had in common? Think about the milestones in your relationship. When was the first time you said “I love you”. What experiences have you shared? Why did you decide to get married? What challenges have you gone through together? What have you supported each other through? What challenges do you envision in your future? What do you want to accomplish together? What makes your relationship work? What did you think when you first saw your fiancé? When did you realize you were in love? What do you most respect or admire about your partner? How has your life gotten better since meeting your partner? What about them inspires you? What do you miss most about them when you're apart?
A look at the past can get you thinking about what you want to promise each other for the future.
Look ahead
Talk to each other about what your future looks like. What is important to both of you regarding marriage? What do each of you consider the most meaningful aspect of marriage? What do you want for your future together? What do you value about each other? This should help you, start to formulate, what you want to promise each other in your vows.
Start writing
Don’t worry about format or structure when you start to write. Just start to write. Write down your hopes and dreams. Write down what you expect from your partner. Write down what you can personally commit to as a partner in the marriage. You might begin by writing your vows in the form of a letter that only your fiancé will see. Thinking about a room full of friends and family members listening to every word can cause writers’ block, but in your private letter you’re free to pour your heart out. Then go back and pick out the parts you want to share in front of the crowd. At a later time, in private, you can share those parts that you edited out. You might want to try this format:
Start with a statement about who this person is to you; your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime, your everything...
Continue by saying what it is you love about your partner.
Use a story to bring this love to life.
Lay out exactly what it is you are promising.
Make the style your own; romantic, funny, quirky, whatever resonates with you.
Mention specific things the two of you will do together.
Don’t forget to add that you’ll be there for each other, even when times get tough.
Wrap your vows up with a look towards the future.
End your vows with one last promise... the promise of forever or “I will always love you. Thank you for marrying me.”
Avoid anything too personal or embarrassing
Although your vows are for you, you’ll want your guests to be able to follow along with what you’re saying and be a part of this special moment. Limit inside jokes and don’t give away any embarrassing secrets.
Get coordinated
Not every couple likes to share their vows with each other as they write them. Some choose to keep them a secret to surprise each other at the altar! You don’t have to promise the same things, but there should be some similarity to what each of you is committing to. You may want to compose at least one line with your fiancé that includes the important promises that you both want to make; then be sure to weave that into whatever else you plan to say. You should also check with each other about the length of your vows to ensure they are balanced. Using the “word count” feature is a good way to accomplish this.
Get quirky
Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine by making promises that maybe a little unconventional. If you are a silly person, it is okay if your vows are a little silly. Are you a “Game of Thrones” fan? Add in the vows from the Dothraki wedding! Vows should reflect your personalities, your values, even your sense of humour!
Take a break
Sometimes your best writing happens when you come back to it, after a break… a day, a week. If you need a break, then take one. This is exactly why you started writing early.
Practice
Memorizing your vows is optional, practicing is not. Read your vows out loud to make sure they flow easily. Practice looking up while you read so you can actually look at your partner as you say your vows, and so you can be confident in speaking clearly. It’s not uncommon to mumble or speak softly when nervous. Practice so your family and friends will hear you. These words are meant to be heard by an audience. You have the option of reading your vows to each other, or sharing them with the officiant and being prompted through them. You might want to think about hearing each other's vows before the big day. If you are nervous on your wedding day, knowing what's coming might make you more confident in the moment.
Be in the moment
Just before it’s your turn to speak, stop and take a deep breath. Remind yourself to relax and bask in the moment. When you speak, take your time and pronounce every word. Speak to your one and only, with the love and emotion that you truly feel!