When Children are Involved

If you have children from a previous relationship or have other young family members, you might consider making these children a part of your wedding ceremony.

There are many meaningful ways for a child to be included, but since kids can be unpredictable, you'll want to make sure they are playing an appropriate part for their age, and that you've done everything you can to make them comfortable.

For Older Children

1. Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsman

   They can wear an outfit similar to the other members of the bridal party, and fulfill many of the same roles as they do. 

2. Reader

   They can read a passage about marriage or love during the ceremony. 

3. Escorting the Bride

   There's no reason why your child can't be the one to walk you down the aisle!

4. Serving as an Usher

   They can help guests to their seats, pass out programs, and do everything the other ushers do.

For Younger Children

1. Flower Girl 

2. Ring Bearer

3. Bouquet Holder―hold's the bride's bouquet during the ceremony (expect it to get a little squashed!)

Children might not do everything you think they will during the ceremony and you have to be flexible and relaxed about the outcome.  It may not be perfect but it will probably be cute and entertaining.  

Here are some things you can do to make them more comfortable:

• Assign them a helper (ideally not someone in the wedding party) who can keep an eye on them, hang out with them before the ceremony, and take them aside if they start to fuss.)

• Bring a change of clothes for the wedding reception―this way they can eat, run around, play with crayons or other toys, all without fear of ruining nice clothes.

• If they are not staying for the reception, make sure there is someone who can drive them home/to the sitter’s; someone who is not required for photos or other duties immediately after the ceremony.

• Practice walking down the aisle, until they are comfortable with it.

• Show them exactly where their parents will be sitting.

• Consider buying them a book that talks about being a flower girl or ring bearer or blended families.

• For a child whose parent is getting married, be sure to include them in the ceremony. Have the officiant mention their names several times during the ceremony. Involve them in a special ceremony, such as a sand ceremony or unity candle; both are a nice way to recognize the new, or blended family that is being created. You could also include the children in your vows to each other or say vows directly to them (see below). Children can sign a marriage commitment certificate at the signing of the licence. You can also exchange jewelry (simple rings, bracelets) with children during your ring exchange.

Having a part to play in the wedding ceremony can often make a child feel less anxious about the marriage. Whatever you do, be sure to be patient with children. They may get suddenly shy, or uncomfortable with what's going on. In the end, let them do as much or as little, as they are happy doing.

1. “I promise to be a good and faithful husband/wife to (partner’s name), and also a patient, loving father/mother to (children’s names), caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them, with all my heart forever.”

   
   

2. I love you, ____________(children’s names) and I promise to make your life full of happiness, ensuring you thrive, recognizing your accomplishments, nurturing your creativity, encouraging your independence, and making sure you always know what a gift you are to the world. I am devoted to ensuring you attain your potential and that while you reach for the sky, you remain grounded by the love of our family and our home.

   
   

3. __________, I stand here today, pledging myself, my love, and my possessions to you and also to (names of children). I commit myself to be a husband/wife to you and a friend to your children. I respect your devotion to (names of children) and will never do anything to come between you.

   
   

4. I want you, ________(names of children) to know that I love and respect your mother/father and will always do so. I hope and desire to be an influence on your lives by listening to you, respecting your uniqueness and individuality, by teaching and suggesting and coaching, and by modelling. I pledge to create a family atmosphere that is healthy and a home where you can grow to your fullest potential.

   
   

5. My love, you have already given me the two greatest gifts of my life: your love, and our beautiful child(ren). Today, it is my honour to become your wife/husband. I promise to continue building our family together, celebrating our joy, comforting one another in challenging times, and strengthening our family's future. I vow to love and cherish you for all the days of my life.

1. “Hug O' War” by Shel Silverstein

   “I will not play at tug o' war. 
   I'd rather play at hug o' war, 
   where everyone hugs instead of tugs, 
   where everyone giggles, and rolls on the rug, 
   where everyone kisses, and everyone grins, 
   and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.”

2. Excerpt from “The House at Pooh Corner” by A.A.Milne

   “Pooh” whispered Piglet. “Yes, Piglet” replied Pooh. “Nothing,” answered Piglet, “I just wanted to be sure of you.” “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” “It’s so much more friendly with two.” “Pooh, promise me you won’t forget about me, ever. Not even when I am a hundred.” Pooh thought for a little. “How old shall I be then?” “Ninety-nine.” Pooh nodded. “I promise,” he said. “Some people care too much, I think it’s called love.”

3. “GETTING MARRIED MEANS YOU’LL HAVE…” BY NICHOLAS GORDON

   Getting married means you'll have, someone's hand to hold,
   Even when you're feeling sick, even when you're old.

   It means when you sit down to eat, someone will be there,
   So you won't have to tell your day, to an empty chair.

   It means that when you need some help, someone will help out,
   Someone always near to you, so you won't have to shout.

   But best of all is when it's time, to turn out all the lights:
   You won't have to be alone, those long and scary nights.

   So even though you don't have toys, you don't have to care:
   Once you're married you can be, each other's teddy bear!

4. Excerpt from “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams

   “What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
   “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
   “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
   “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
   “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
   “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”